Do you know “YOU” or does “YOU = US”

The best vacation I ever had was when I went to Nassau, Bahamas for 7 days, 6 nights, ALONE. I met locals who showed me around the island. I met other families at the resort. But most important, I got up and came back when I felt like it because I wasn’t on someone else’s schedule. I didn’t have a daily debate with anyone about  our sightseeing plans. Its funny, many friends assumed I was going over to be with some man that I must have met; they all joked that I went to Nassau to Get My Groove Back. But that wasn’t it at all.  Actually, US Airways had a great sale and the ticket was cheap and I had never been to the Bahamas before. So I figured “why not” and although it was a first for me at the time, I knew I was comfortable enough with myself to go by myself and enjoy a vacation without the need of a gang of friends or a boyfriend. It ended up being such an exhilirating experience.  The week was sooo peaceful. I didn’t party the entire week and I didn’t feel the need. I did daily sightseeing and hanging out and would be back at my room before 9 to just relax and enjoy the sunset. I felt such freedom on this trip; Everyone should experience such a feeling.

I say all of this because, what I am finding is that so many people, especially women, have been an “us” for so long, that to even think about going anywhere by themselves is a dreadful thought. Ok, so maybe not a week long vacation, but what about the movies? How many times have you missed seeing a movie because your partner didn’t want to see that particular movie. So you missed out because you wouldn’t dare go to the theater alone. My girlfriend told me that going to the movie theater alone was for lonely people; a bit of a loser experience. Many people feel the same way about going to lunch/dinner alone. I would like to say that I’ve experienced all of the above, and the experience is what you make it.

If you are at the theater or a restaurant  paying attention to every couple that comes in and the fact that you are alone, then YES, YOU WILL FEEL LONELY. But you have to change that experience. If it’s a movie, go during the daytime instead of during busy evening/weekend shows. You’ll find many people go to the movies by themselves during the day (not to say that they are single, just viewing the movie alone). You’ll always find that your movie watching experience is nicer because the theater is less crowded and much more peaceful. Ok, so what about dinner alone? Sounds like a loser idea, right. Wrong, you just have to change the experience a bit. When I dine alone, I always have the latest copy of the City Paper in tow or a magazine that I’ve been waiting to read. So when you get to the table, you have something to do while waiting on your meal and less time to focus on what’s going on around you.

The most important thing that I’m trying to get at is the fact that we need to be more in touch with ourselves. What if that long term relationshp we’ve been apart of for soooo long finally comes to an end?  I mean, God forbid, but what if it does and the last 10 years of your life has been identified as an “us”? If this should happen, going anywhere alone feels like the most depressing thing known to man. So I say, whether you’re in a relationship or not, married or just dating, take time for yourself, by yourself. Go do something ALONE. No husband or boyfriend, don’t call the gang of girlfriends, JUST YOU.  I believe everyone should have some
“ME-time”. Make it a movie, or a pedicure, or a mini-vacation, or simply dinner at a table for 1. It can be a calming experience. It’s time to clear your mind, to not be forced to have conversation, time to get closer to God, or time to just sit back and focus on where your life is going. But the point is, every now and then, there should be some “ME-time” and not always “US-time”. You need to keep a little piece of your own identity.

your new mantra: Start A New

 

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Cut it off…Let it go, start a new
Find someone who loves you
Cut it off…..life’s too short
That’s how the healing starts….

- Tarrus Riley 

 

 

 Why are relationships so hard? Why do WE make things so much harder than they have to be? Why can’t life and relationships be so simple? Well, I’ve come to think that going thru bad, unfulfilling relationships are God’s way of leading you to the more fulfilling, enjoyable relationships that are meant for us…that is when we let Him take control and lead us to and through these relationships.

I recently have been lead to question some of the friendships in my life, the relationship I have with my partner, and past relationships with friends and lovers that have come and gone. Yet, I am left wondering why some were put into my life to cause such heartache and why others that made me so happy were taken away from me. At the same time, I have been brought to really appreciate some relationships that I had somewhat overlooked. I’ve had old friends to re-enter my life, and at this time in my life, they have been there for me as if we had never parted. I have also experienced friends, that I held very dear to my heart, to really break my heart, and make me realize that they were never really genuine from the beginning. I guess we live and we learn.

Today, join me in examining the relationships that surround you. I want to get rid of the dead relationships and “Start A New”. We are often reflections of the people with which we surround ourselves….you know the saying “birds of a feather, flock together”. So, stand back and examine your flock. Are they positive or do they breed negativity? Can you see “The God in Them” or do they spit deadly venom? Are they encouraging you to reach the next level or do they continue to pull you down into the bucket?

What advice to you have to share on how to grow and maintain positive relationships with men, women, friends, lovers, marriages?

getting ahead professionally: MENTOR?

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We are in tough times financially and there are many who are without jobs. For those of us with jobs, many aren’t thinking about moving up in our current fields, we are just content with having a job. Well I for one have never been the type of person to just be content.  I am always striving to be better at my job and to improve my work surroundings. Unfortunately, since taking a job after college, I have never worked at one place long enough to reap the benefits of “moving up” in a company. I’ve had small accomplishments acknowledged by management, pay increases along the way, but I’ve never achieved a management level position in a company. This has been due in part to being laid off after 9-11 events, then changing from a career in IT to become a professional hairstlylist and then back to IT.

 

So now, I am still working with the same IT job I landed  1 1/2 years ago. The job is cool and I like my employer. But, as with many projects, there is always room for improvement. I can name a million ways I would like to improve the team that I work with or do away with some of the rules that management comes up that I deem as unnecessary.

 

But this time around in my career, I am finally realizing all the things that I have no power to change. So instead, I have decided to partner with a mentor.  My mentor is helping me to realize the things that I can change about myself to help me better enjoy my work experience while also making a positive impression on my team.  My mentor has also agreed to help me better understand my assignments as well as teach me other technologies to prepare me for our upcoming, more difficult assignments. Currently, I would consider myself a Subject-Matter-Expert (SME) on my team for select assignments. My goal is to be a more well-rounded team member, so I can be a SME for a larger array of assignments. This would create a win-win situation for me and my team. It will help me to boost my knowledge for project assignments which helps me work more efficiently; and it helps my team, because I will know more to be able to help others on some of their more difficult assignments.

 

How I chose my mentor:

• I chose someone that was a veteran to the company/project
• I chose someone that has a good work ethic
• I chose someone that is viewed favorably by other team members
• I chose someone with whom I have established a positive relationship

 

In the end, I think there are many benefits to establishing a mentor relationship. A mentor can help you:

• Learn new things and help you have a better understanding of current assignments/projects
• Become a Subject-Matter-Expert for your team
• As a veteran employee, they better undertstand how to assist you in creating a clear path to achieve management goals
• Having  feedback from someone trustworthy can help your decision-making process in the work environment

  

Hopefully there will be rewards with upward strides in the company and worthy pay increases. I’ll keep you informed…………….

 

Do you think having a mentor is a good idea?        Do you have a mentor relationship at work, school, church?         Has this relationship benefited you?

Attention Ladies: IT’S TIME TO BRING SEXY BACK

Photo Courtesy of AskMen.com

Well, I guess the title of this post is pretty self-explanatory. I’ve seen several of my mom-clients in the last week or so and I’ve been pushing this phrase alot. But don’t get it twisted, this isn’t just a phrase for the moms. This is my shout out to all of us ladies who have been putting work/kids/husbands before themselves.  It’s time to set aside some time for yourself and rediscover your beauty.

I just had my second child and what a number it has done on me, physically and mentally. I actually have lost quite a bit of weight in this first month with breastfeeding, but I still have a long ways to go to fit comfortably into my size 6 jeans. But its not just about the size 6… I want my nice skin tone back, I want my hair styled on a regular basis, I want manicures and pedicures on a regular….I want to throw out every piece of clothing that I own and go shopping for a whole new wardrobe and shoes. Of course, these things can’t be done or put into the schedule overnight, but these are my “Bring Sexy Back” goals. It’s like, I don’t want that mom thing going on….you see some women, especially moms, when they step out in public, they either look like they just rolled out of bed or their look is so behind in the times, you just want to give them a fashion police ticket and get them a makeover. 

So now is the time to try a new workout regimen, go get that new haircut that you thought only Rihanna could rock, go shopping for a few new trendy pieces to add to your closet and cut out the Mc Donald’s & Chic-fil-a so you can have the skin and bodies that you want. Although these are all superficial things, they are all things that help to build a woman’s confidence. When you look good, you feel good & confident and when you feel confident you will make confident decisions in your daily life. I strongly believe all of these little things help to maintain a positive well-being.

 What goals have you set to help “Bring Sexy Back”? What changes are you making to reveal a sexier, more confident YOU?

Bring Back Those Old Feelings

 

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As a busy mom and wife, there is usually very little time left for me. So I can no longer meet up with the girls for happy hour, keep up with great music and spend hours in the record store buying cds, or decide next week to up and take a trip just because I feel like it… atleast I can no longer do these things on a whim the way I used to when I was single with no children in-tow. I have to admit, I do feel a bit of nostalgia when I think back to those days. I used to enjoy life more or maybe in a different way. Don’t get me wrong,  I love my family, but once you’ve got a family, you kind of lose yourself between the kids, your husband and your neverending chores.

Oprah recommends that if you want to feel alive again, you should create a “What I Enjoy” list. It’s a list of things that you love to do or things you used to enjoy doing….it’s just to make you aware that there are things in the world that do make you feel alive. They recommend that you make time to do something you enjoy at least once a week, do it and help yourself feel alive in that moment. Sounds good to me.

I think the things I miss the most are concerts and long distance travel. Actually I’ve still managed to go to a concert here and there, so I’m not totally deprived. But I was pissed that being 8 months pregnant,  I recently had to miss out on seeing Raphael Saadiq because I’ve been waiting at least 5 years for him to come back to Washington, DC since his last concert .  As for travel a 3 1/2 hour trip from Puerto Rico with my 1 year old last year sold me on the fact that I will take  no trips longer than 2 hours until my kids are atleast 4. I’m sure I don’t even have to explain, because I’m sure you’ve had atleast one plane ride sitting near the screaming kid.

Now, its a new day… a busy life with kids. So I am learning to create a new “What I Enjoy” list. Yes, I still try to shop at my favorite record store because I could never enjoy life without music. Instead of heading to the movie theater, I am a fan of “On Demand” and the local “Redbox” for movies…not to mention its far cheaper than running to the movie theater every week. I love spending time with my kids, do I’ve added evening walks and trips to the neighborhood park to watch them enjoy themselves. It’s quite rewarding to see them smile. I’ve also become a D.I.Y.-er. I live for HGTV and DIY TV. I love to take on little home improvement projects.

What about you? What things are on your “What I Enjoy” list? What do you do to relax? What activities helped you to “find yourself”?

discipline + creativity = VEGETARIAN

So I spoke with one of my college girlfriends the other day and she told me she was trying a 21-day vegetarian eating regimen. I applauded her on even trying to do it. I would love to become a vegetarian, for the health benefits, but WOW, the discipline that it takes to maintain that lifestyle…when you’ve been raised on a meat & potatoes eating regimen.

I read a book about Rastafarian culture, “RASTAFARI: A Way of Life” by Tracy Nichols/Bill Sparrow. One of the things that I totally admire about the Rastafarian lifestyle is their Ital eating regimen. Rastas believe man should eat agridishes. “Agridishes”, or foods which grow from the earth, are ital- total or natural- foods. They are foods that are not contaminated or denatured by any processing, additions, or deletions.

Foods that grow from the earth.

As a Northeastern American, that wasn’t raised on a farm, the difficulty in being a vegetarian is staying focused and coming up with an exciting menu.  I eat plenty of fruits, but I’m quite picky with my veggies. Actually, I’m a picky eater in general and preparation time is limited for me these days, so maintaining a vegetarian diet seems quite difficult to me. But I’m sure if I reorganize my life, I could come up with some great recipes that take less prep time because you don’t have to worry about the long cooking process of meat. I guess I have no excuse . Then there’s the focus. It’s hard to go grocery shopping when you are immediately bombarded with chips, sodas and loads of snacks as you enter the door and on the corner of every aisle.  Uggghhhhh, FOCUS MAN………………………

Seeing as though I have tons of weight to lose from my last pregnancy and my family has a history of diabetes, thyroid problems and hypertension, I guess I need to gradually make my way to a vegetarian lifestyle.  MAINTAINING YOU begins inside and a healthy inside will lead to a healthy and glowing outside. So I guess its time to make some changes.

Are you practicing a vegan or vegetarian eating regimen? Has it been difficult to maintain? What health benefits have you noticed or experienced?